“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.”
― William W. Purkey
The quote above by William W. Purkey is something I strive for but don’t always feel like I hit the mark. Today is my 50th birthday and this past year has been all about reviewing my life. Most people feel turning 50 is a huge milestone, a turning point. For the person that is actually turning 50, they can have all kinds of emotions around it. I do. Part of me has really been dreading it. I felt like I had to say goodbye to so much of what I thought was part of myself, part of my identity, part of who I thought I was. In a lot of ways that is true. As I said in one of my previous “50 Things” posts on my web page there are many things I will never do again.
10 things you may not know about me that are part of my 50 years of becoming:
My parents were 16-years-old and unwed when my mother became pregnant, my father was put in jail and my mother was sent to a home for unwed mothers. My great grandfather stepped in and said, “If those kids want to get married you should let them.” and offered a shack on his property where my parents lived when I was born.
The first time I was molested I was five-years-old. I never told anyone until I was an adult because I knew they wouldn’t believe me.
When I was seven-years-old we moved to Heidelberg, Germany and it was one of the saddest days of my young life because the two people I thought loved me the most (I know I loved them the most) were staying behind – my grandmother and auntie.
During the four years that I lived in Heidelberg, Germany my nick name at school was Martian Michelle (one of the reasons I changed my name).
I said “no” at 14 but it didn’t matter, he did it anyway.
I was pregnant at 16-years-old just like my mother (except I was 17 when my daughter was born). Thankfully I broke the cycle with my girls, my daughter was 25-years-old when her first daughter was born.
I came out to myself and everyone else when I was 32-years-old and the only people I was worried about telling, or finding out, were my grandmother and auntie. Turns out I did have reason to worry, I became uninvited to every family event after that.
I stopped talking to both my parents years ago because they were too unhealthy for me and there wasn’t anything I could do to change it (yes I went to therapy but that doesn’t change their behaviors). Sometimes it is better to walk away than it is to continue an unhealthy relationship.
I have worked very hard to, “Rise above my raising.” by going after my dreams. One large one – getting my books published.
I am stronger than I thought I was and the evidence came out for me when I was writing, Enough is Enough.
Here are some of the things I am saying goodbye to:
- keeping my mouth shut to make other people feel more comfortable.
- not taking action when my soul says it’s time to make a change
- abuse of any kind
- people with poor boundaries
- dying my hair (except possibly to a wild and juicy color like purple!)
- listening to my inner critic
Here is what I am saying hello to:
- loving with an open heart
- keeping an open mind to new possibilities
- to new experiences
- doing more of the things I love
- being a loving grandmother
- exploring what it means to be a Crone.
- deepening my spirituality.
taking my creativity to the next level
- loving me just the way I am
I also know there will be unexpected experiences coming into my life and I choose to dance through every one of them!
Whether you feel young or old, or what stage of life you are in, I hope you choose to dance!
(My birthday was in July but I am choosing to celebrate my 50th all year long. It is a huge turning point for me and I hope you will choose to celebrate with me as well.)
Other ways you can celebrate with me:
- Purchase one of my books on Amazon.
- Send me an email, or private message on Facebook, telling me what being friends with me means to you, or how I have made a difference in your life, or a positive message you would like to share with me about growing older. morgan _ dragonwillow (@) hotmail . com
*Revised on 9/18/14
Morgan Dragonwillow: Rebel dancing with words, intuitive cook, recovering perfectionist, poet & author that (mostly) doesn’t let her fears get in the way of her passion for writing and creating. She is team leader at @StoryDam, creatrix of #OctPoWriMo, and you can find her at, A Poet’s Kitchen, cooking up simply delicious meals. She lives in Marietta, Ga. with her loving and patient partner, their dog that thinks she’s a princess, and the cat that reminds her that she isn’t.You can find her at Google+
“Sometimes poets write what we wish we could say, and they tell us what we need to know. The poems in Wild Woman Waking lead us to a place where we can proudly refuse to be “bent and broken”; instead, they document a journey to self-acceptance, peace, and understanding – where in a community of women, we celebrate and dance as Mud Women. We become women of spirit and keepers of our own keys.” ~Beth Camp
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